my friend just told me she almost got laid last night and i got really excited and told her to tell me everything because i live vicariously through my friends tbh and she told me that the guy kept looking at her and drove her home and touched her waist

how does that translate to almost getting laid

what the fuck what do animals think about i want to know especially dog thoughts

im getting worried that i have too much sodium intake because i eat too much fast food so tonight im only gonna eat a kilo of grapes plus there’s no food in stored and if there is i wont know how to cook it and make it suitable for human consumption

oh the dentist on broad city is also one of the funny homeless guys on 30 rock

the word member upsets me so much when people use it in a sexual context

i actually stole this flower thing from my niece

my thighs look gigantic

my friend is getting a summer job to finance her drinking problem i think i should do the same but i’d rather sleep all day

what

kirsten dunst was topless in melancholia? i gotta go watch that movie

finally organized my closet and i realized i have a lot of black tshirts